Such A Control Freak!

I've been researching writers, and how long it takes them to write and rewrite. I saw somewhere that it took Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo five years to write Bridesmaids. Norman McLean, a writer I love  didn't write his novella A River Runs Through It until he was in his mid seventies. A fact that I carry around and pull on at will.  And the writer of The Kings Speech was 73 years old when he finally saw his film come to the silver screen. It took him 30 years to write and rewrite that script. 

I have an issue with time. I have an internal anxiety about getting this done. Maybe it's because the Vice President of Production that I met on the plane from Costa Rica gave me six months- over a year ago, or maybe it is because I feel like my time clock is ticking and I want to parlay the second half of my life earning money as a writer. Whatever the reason- last night I had a breakthrough. I had an internal breakthrough that was more about my story and less about my own desires. 

I have been struggling trying to finish this first draft. It's been going along at snails pace, and then I will stop it. I will not want to even look at it for long periods of time, and then I will get frustrated, and angry that it is not coming out like I had hoped or planned. I am a horrible self critic, and my expectations are extremely high. Last night as I was resisting looking at my script I came across a website called the script lab http://thescriptlab.com which had some great information on screenwriting. Let me preface that I am NOT a screenwriter, yet. I am writing a script, and I am learning the "how to's" of it all, and I cannot stress enough how very difficult it is. When you are writing only 110 pages: every word counts, and every scene and piece of dialogue matter. This adventure I've set myself on is not the easy path- and after a year of learning the craft I have so much respect for even the lousiest of films. At least at the end of the day they have made something that is visual, and has a thread that stays on track. And my respect for those who have written funny, thoughtful, incredible films- all I can say is WOW. David Sedaris said "most people have no concept of writing." That each word is thought out, and every sentence contemplated.  When people say "You've only written three pages today" I have to laugh. They don't understand that those three pages took hours, and that within those pages there's probably only one or two good sentences.  

Last night, avoiding my script once again, and roaming around the script lab, I discovered a character questionnaire http://thescriptlab.com/screenwriting/character/creating-characters/23-character-questionnaire that helped me so much. Just when I was ready to toss this whole process and call myself a failure, and admit to myself and the world I was a fraud- I found help. It's like a bad relationship- or a new one, anyway. Until you figure out the rhythm of each other- the road is bumpy, and each party could split at any point. My script and I have not yet made a commitment. I'm committed only if it goes my way- and this is where the problem lies. I am not letting her tell her story. I am interrupting constantly, and telling her what to say and do. And because I haven't listened or helped her find her voice- I am bored. She is telling me only what I want to hear. Today I am taking a different approach. 

Often, in writing classes and workshops I hear them preach that the story has to be character driven. I know what this means on a base level, and I am an English teacher so I completely understand what it means to look at a story from the characters point of view. Huck Finn is a perfect example. He is flawed- and through his flaws we see society and the horrible racism of the south. He doesn't even know he is a racist at the beginning of his journey, but as he becomes connected to Jim and sees Jim's humanity, Huck learns about the world he lives in. Through Huck Finn we learn about ourselves- because let's face it most racists don't know that they are racists until they are confronted with it.  Mark Twain understood the idea of a story being character driven. He wrote a story about society through a young boy who was flawed and needed to open his eyes and see the world with clarity. His life, and Jim's life depended on it. I understand this clearly. When I teach this piece, I see the end product, and it is easy to dissect it back to Hucks transformation.   

To write my own story through this perspective is difficult. Even though I love my main character- I started telling a story that i thought she was leading- but really I was leading it- not her. This may not make sense to anyone else, other than the writers I am talking to, but I promised to share the journey with you all, and this is part of it. I am three quarters of the way through my script and I am finding the main character flat. She has little to talk about, and isn't fully defined. I am bored with her, and if I am bored with her- then others will be as well, and her story isn't very compelling. What I discovered is that she has been my puppet. She has been doing and saying what I want her to, and in reality it should be the other way around. I should be her slave for the next 110 pages- I need to write whatever she tells me to. I need to protect her and get her story out even if it's not what I thought she was going to say. It's crazy, but I am excited more than I have been in a long time. I can't wait to se what she is going to tell me. I know she wants to get to the Oprah show- and I kind of know why- but I want to understand it more. Why is she so driven by this...what is she hoping to find? I shouldn't rush her. The pressure I have put on her has shut her down, and silenced her intent. 


I am learning, and growing and taking on something that I didn't imagine would be so tough. My friend said "Remember why you started this whole thing" and it has stuck with me now for a couple of weeks. I didn't know the answer until last night. I started this thing because I have a character that is flawed, like so many of us. She is a single mom who wants her daughters to not repeat the mistakes she has made. Her biggest fear is that they will, and she will have to face her imperfections and failures. Instead of changing herself- she looks to Oprah to influence her children, but what her daughters need is her, but she is so insecure and feels inadequate she can't see this. It takes a journey for her to figure out what it means to be their mom and let them have their mistakes and dreams- just to love them through it all. 

It'll take me time to get there. It might take me until I am 73 years old. I hope not, but today I have decided to lift the time clock from my script. I don't want my character to reveal herself based on my own agenda. I will be at her beck and call. I am actually excited. I may even toss this first 60 pages in the trash and start over- which might kill me. I'll let you know. I'm working though something...it's good. I'll get there. Failure is an absolute must if I am going to learn.  I've gotta stop being such a control freak- try it- it's not so bad. 

Ignorance and Confidence? I've Got That!!!

There's been a little bit of time pass since my glorious trip. I was on such a high. The earth opened up. Seas were parted. Things turned to gold. Then I came home. 

I came home to grocery store shopping, dog walking, closet cleaning, and cat feeding. I came home to my real life, and writing seemed hard. The trip and the new life seemed like it was fingertips away. But since I have been home- I am not so sure. I have let doubt sift into my brain, and my non action is evidence of this. 

It's amazing how so few words can take away such huge actions. I mean- I drove almost 6000 miles for a dream. Knocked on the universes door, and it responded with a welcome mat. All of that is good, and lets me believe I am heading in the right direction- but then I get a comment of "..it's a competitive business- you really think you can sell a script?" I hear it every few days, and then I google scripts that have sold, and the far off chances that mine will. This is what I mean about words beating up my amazing actions. It makes me doubt the small miracles that I experienced this last year. But then I am reminded of the quote by my favorite thinker Mark Twain. He said, "To succeed in life,  you need two things: ignorance and confidence!"I've always been pretty good at these two things. Some might say that my confidence is unfounded- but that is where ignorance comes in. 

I remember when I bought my house. It was about ten years ago. I had just finished student teaching, and I didn't yet have a job. It was  January, and I knew I would spend the rest of the school year substitute teaching, and applying for jobs in the different districts. I bought my house under a no income document loan. I had money from my other house, and so the bank gave me the loan. My ignorance was more concerned about the loan, than how I would continue to pay for the house! I was absolutely positive I would get a job! No question. I went on interview after interview. I treated the job market like a smorgasbord. Job offers popped up, but I turned one or two down. Too far away from the girls, or not the right assignment. August came- I did not have a job! I panicked. I freaked out. I began to scramble. It seemed that somehow the confidence I had and the certainty I felt diminished quickly in the face of reality, and my pending house payment. Success still happened though- in the best way, and perfect way for my family. On all those previous job offers I knew my goal. I knew the right job would appear if I chose not to settle- but then I let fear seep in. I ended up getting the perfect job, and things went my way. I tell the story to others, about my job entrance of my now ten year long career, as a miracle; a gift.  I look back and think how crazy it seemed to buy a house without a job and others have even highlighted the insanity- but ignorance was a blessing for me then, and it will be again now.  This is a good reminder for me. I need to not panic. I'm going down an unmarked journey that probably seems insane to most. It's a long shot. It's a gamble. But in my own mind I have to know the goal, and the intent is not to throw my life away. My intent is to challenge myself and live more fully. My intent is like it has always been- even with the house, and the job. It's about my family, and about a life style fit.

I am writing something I am unfamiliar with, and I am venturing into an unfamiliar dream. Even in this unfamiliarity, the goal seems right for me. I don't feel off my rocker- but then again, I never do. I guess not knowing what I am up against is the key. I'm probably the perfect one for this journey, considering how ignorant I can be. After all- when everyone else kept calling me brave to take my road trip- didn't I find out that all it was was stupidity? So ignorance will reign again, and somehow seem like courageous and brave. Mr. Twain would be so proud. 

End of the Trip= The Beginning of Everything Else.

Cooper and I were happy to finally get home. I'll sum up my last days quickly here. I went home thru South Dakota. It was a long nights drive, and after the blown tire, and picking up Cooper- I really felt like I had to make up for lost time. I drove through Iowa, and then Minnesota, and on thru South Dakota. I spent the night, got up early and made it to South Dakota. I was so glad I went. I stayed at a great camp ground. I loved it! Probably the best nights sleep since Donner pass- and it was because it was not a KOA. I know that KOA camping is much safer, but I hate it, and so did Cooper. I feel like I need to hike my shorts up just a little bit higher, and talk a little bit louder in these places. I'm not one for making neighbors with my fellow campers. I don't get these folks.

I couldn't drive into the park- but I did see the faces when I drove past. That was enough. I got to think of a very funny line that will be used in the script just because I saw this. It was worth it. Cooper however, is done! I'm getting there. I want to be home. Plus, Joe (the tear drop owner calls) and asks where I am. I actually, forgot to call him and remind him I was keeping the trailer until the fourth- but I also didn't realize it was already the third. With all my driving, I forgot the dates. Could my character underestimate time?? A possible idea for my characters time crunch.

I drive a total of 25 hours from July 3rd to the 4th. I'm tired, but more than anything I am feeling bad for Cooper. At one point, I drive a good 150 miles without seeing a gas station, and I'm squeezing every last drop out of this tank. Thank God for my trucker behind me- I have a pretty good idea he has stayed behind me for this reason. He's done this long trek, and knows there's nothing ahead. I find a scary station outside an even scarier motel. My trucker drives by and I wave. He honks. I'm safe.


I head on out, and pass thru a cute little town. I get stopped in road construction and meet Andrew- my 23 year old road buddy. He's heading to California- from Connecticut. Don't get any weird ideas. He's not my Thelma and Brad Pitt moment. But we do prod each other on, and have dinner together. Sweet young guy, and good to have someone on the road.

It's the fourth. I am outside of Salt Lake City. I get going early- head through Reno, and Donner Pass, and make it to Petaluma to drop off the trailer. Joe couldn't be nicer. I tell him about Wyoming, and ruining his tire chocks, and also that Cooper slept in the trailer one nigh because I was scared. He is so sweet- and says it was a good enough excuse. I told him I'd be renting it again- it was just so much fun.


I decide that it's the fourth, and I will stop off and have dinner again at J&S Winery. My friend Andrew
 helped me make this decision. He said, "It's the 4th of July! Celebrate it with a friend!" Good advice. I celebrate with my first fast food of the trip also. I drive through San Fran. and actually drive right passed my daughters apartment. She's in Bali- but it's still nice to feel the familiarity. Home, Home..I can almost smell it.


I make it to Jason's. We eat, I shower, and literally fall asleep. I miss all firework festivities. Thanks Kee and Jase for letting me off the hook.

I wake up and leave. I make it home by noon. I am so excited to drive into my driveway. But Cooper- is more thrilled. He almost falls and hurts himself getting out of the car. He runs toward the door- and immediately lays on my bathroom floor and sleeps. I clean things up, even take the car to the car wash, go to Fish Co with my parents and Jennifer, and go home and sleep.


July 5th- my journey is done. But it also just begins. I am inspired, and ready to conquer this script. It's my goal these next few months to finish it, and rewrite it, and rewrite it, and start pitching it. I hope to get a manager, and sell it. It's not going to be easy. I'm hoping to include you all in my process of writing, and how things happen from conception to the actual selling of a script. So, our journey doesn't really end here. Come along for the ride- I'd love to share it all with you.




Thanks for holding me up when I thought I was going to turn around. Thanks for the encouragement, and the spirit of adventure. I can't wait for more.

Landing After Flying Hurts...

I say good-bye to Janet. I call the front desk to help me with my cooler that I have repacked four different times, hoping the ice will keep the food cold. I haven't shopped for groceries since I left Orange County- all food has lasted, so far. I text Brent, letting him know I'll be there shortly, and I am off to Harpo, and then to Cooper, and then home!


I am a self doubter. I avoid, and ignore pressing details. I don't trust my own thoughts. As I walk to the car, and load the back, I notice that my back right tire looks low. I think it must be my imagination. I'm not very good at "car stuff" and can't imagine why my tire is low. The car has been sitting in the parking garage for 2 and a half days, and I had the car serviced before I left. I am hopeful that I am wrong. I ignore the thought.


I arrive outside of Harpo Studios. I text Brent that I am here, and then I see he and his friend walking toward me in bike helmets. It's a hot day- I can't imagine biking in this heat. He introduces me to his friend Alex. I was excited about getting a private tour of Harpo Studio, but I had no idea how excited I was until I walked through the doors. Brent got me a visitors pass, and when I saw it, and realized I 
was inside the studio, I was unleashed. I was grinning, and squealing, on every turn. Things like "Oh my god- she's so cute!" and "Oh my goodness, this is her stage! I feel the energy in this room!" Alex and Brent were cracking up. Alex said, "This makes your day? Watching your reaction is making ours!" I was quite a spectacle, I admit. But if you can't show your giddy playful side at Oprah Studio, then when can you? It wasn't just the actual studio that affected me, but what being there represented. Less than a year ago- after my workshop in Toronto- I was laying on my bed. I had an idea of a story, and a character. I wanted to write about a woman who is weak, and has lost sight of her internal compass. Who has bought into the idea of "male centered universe"- one where women are discounted, and when they are married, or domesticated- is when they are validated. This character can't find her worth in a world that won't recognize her. So, I had this internal struggle, but that isn't a story. It's just a theme. I was laying on my bed and was pounding out "What's her goal? What does she want?"

Without revealing too much about my story- I came up with an answer to that question, and Oprah becomes a part of her Journey. I'll share more about the details of my script once I am finished with the draft. But regardless, Being at the Oprah Studio is surreal. It's a gift that has been given to me for taking a step. I feel this while I am in her chair, looking at her pictures, and seeing all the back taping rooms, and control rooms. I am in Oprah's Studio- not because this was my goal, but because I took steps to manifest my dream. It feels really good, and crazy, and I'm high on all that this trip has offered me so far. Maybe I should try jumping off a building- I think I'd fly.


I leave Brent and Alex. I tell them part of my ending, and they both say "Oh that's good!" That makes me feel good. Brent gives me some great info about the show, and how it runs, and in exchange I give him a bottle of good wine. He keeps refusing- saying he just wanted to give me a tour, but I win eventually, and he takes it. It makes me feel good to give him a gift- how sweet he is for sharing his Sunday with some kooky girl from California, with a kooky idea, and dream. I am glad he did. A definite highlight to this whole experience.


I am back on my way. Heading out to get Cooper, and all of the sudden this crazy weather hits the HWY. I get a text from Brent saying "you may want to wait to lead until this storm passes" But I am already on the highway. People are slowing, hazards are on, and it's scary dark. The sky is dark and gray, and I am not sure what is happening. I don't know if it's a hurricane, a tornado, or just a summer storm. I am from California- this is something I never see. I video tape it for a minute- we are at crawling speed. Then I get scared because everyone else has stopped on the side of the road, so i do the same. I hang out in the middle of nowhere on the shoulder. It lets up a little, and I see that it's probably just a summer storm- plus I text Brent, and that's what he tells me. I carry on.


I call my mom. I haven't spoken to her in awhile.
Early on my journey- before I left, she was full of worry and angst. I love her a ton, but we think much differently. I know we are from different generations, and venturing off on my own seems so scary for her. I try to remind her that I've managed my life pretty well, and I know how to take care of myself, but none of that matters. She worries, regardless. So I tell her that if she brings her worry to me- I won't tell her anything anymore. I really wasn't sure if she was listening, but it seems she has. Mostly, when we talk she asks how it's all going, but doesn't say 'Why don't you just come home!" We fill the line up mostly, with how Cooper is handling things, and how the cats back home are doing. This is safe ground for us. So, as I am talking to her about the cats, and how they are hiding outside, I feel my steering jerk to the right. I also hear the road underneath me change sounds, but I figure that this is a switch of concrete because I have just gone from the hwy to an interchange, but it sounds like this for a while. I don't tell my mother anything, other than- "Let me call you back!" There's a warning on the dash that reads 'Tire needs pressure!" and as i am realizing what may have just happened, a lady drives by, and mouths "Your tire!" Minutes ago-I was considering jumping off a building and flying. Life is so this way.


Did I mention that it is still raining. I am in a short skirt, nice top, and my make-up is done. Not really the look you want to have on the side of a desolate road. I definitely, am not calling my mother back.
I get out in the rain, and check the tire. I have never seen anything like it. The whole tire is gone! and remember when I thought it was low- the right rear tire? Yup, should have trusted myself. Should have listened to that inner voice! So, here I sit. Stranded, and tireless, and I'm literally in the middle of nowhere. I do however, have cell reception. Phew!


I call AAA. They ask me my location. I cannot see the next exit. It's at least a half a mile up the road. My GPS won't give me the location, so I need to walk. I walk to where I can read the sign, and then walk back. It's pouring out, I am getting wet. My skirt is short. This is all bad! I wanted to look cute for Harpo- can you blame me? I told you that sometimes I don't think through things well, right? This might be one of those times.

I tell the lady, and she says they'll have someone out there in 45 minutes. I wait- in the car.


A large black truck pulls up behind me about 15 minutes later. A fine gentleman knock on my window. I wonder if it's Sawyer Brown's brother? Anyway, this man at my window wants to help me. He says he saw me walking. He must have seen me, got off the freeway, got back on and took the interchange. It was not an easy process. So he's either really helpful, and concerned (probably), looking for a date (possibly), or dangerous (maybe). Unfortunately, for me and him- I am no longer on my trusting track. I barely roll down my window, and tell him help is minutes away. Aren't you proud of me? I'm learning!  I tried to capture the moment as best I could in this video.

Okay, so went to WalMart- fixed the tire, got some supplies, and things are back to square one. Now to get Cooper. What a day.  I'll get my buddy, get my trailer, and drive into the night. Not my original plan, but now I need to make up some time. Did I mention- I decide to head home through South Dakota? I want to avoid Wyoming, and that boring trip. Plus- I need to see those stone faces!

Soul Purpose

We've had such interactions, such connections, such shakes! Comfort zones are called that for a reason, right? We "zone" in our comfort. As much as we like them, I am learning that they can also become toxic and danger zones. Everything about this trip for me is a shake to that danger. A throwing up of my fist to comfort- even though I am unsure of what to expect, and at times completely uncomfortable.  The reward is obvious. I am soaking in this discomfort, and finding treasures for not only my characters, but myself.


Saturday, Janet and I sort of wake up slow, and wonder what our day has for us. It's a "Bring It" unspokenness that we are dealing with. We've seen the burning bush, and we know that somehow this is a blessed journey. From Janet's perspective, and her expressions, I am experiencing it more than I actually would have if I were alone. It's like watching your child discover Disneyland for the first time. It's comical, and awe inspiring...and I am learning from seeing her response that the "zone" we have walked into is really fun and cool, and not at all ordinary. So our day continues...


My friends at "Paws Here" had recommended a restaurant called Cafe Lux in the city. Diane said that it was a nice place to look around. It happened to be right around the corner from our hotel, (of course), and so we both thought while we waited on Brent's return text (to see when he could get us into Harpo) that we'd lunch. As we were walking we looked up and saw the restaurant right in front of us. It was on the second floor, and had panoramic windows that looked out to the city. Janet said, "Wow- how nice it would be to have that view." Meaning the table overlooking town. We both imagined that was a special request; so we just gave our name at the desk and said "two- first available." It was about a twenty minute wait. The restaurant was huge- tons of tables, and it reminded me of an upper scale Cheesecake Factory. It was beautifully decorated, and did I mention the view? Our pager  buzzed and low and behold the host directed us to the table that Janet had said would be nice to sit in. I know, I know, at this point it must sound like hyperbole. It must sound like I am fabricating details to fit what I want the trip to be, but I am not. We sat down, and started laughing- once again saying "Of Course!" Even our waiter said, "You didn't request this table?" When we shook our heads no, she said "When the universe smiles upon you just smile back!" or something to that effect. So we sat in this amazing table and smiled. Janet and I, if I recall barely spoke, other than to comment on all the "fancy" people coming in and out of Cartier below. We commented on how the beautiful cars sat out front, and the passerby's (men) would all look at the cars, and the women did not. We counted how many times this happened until it was too many to count. We soaked in the universe's gift, and enjoyed the view, and some homemade warm cookies for dessert- why not?


Brent texted back mid lunch and said he couldn't give us a tour until Sunday. Janet was leaving early that morning, and was debating whether or not to change her flight. It was a tough call. I didn't know how to direct her because Brent had said the studio had been disassembled, and we aren't sure how much of Oprah Show would be visible, or recognizable. There were no guarantees, and the expense was a gamble.

As we were leaving the restaurant, we decided to check off some of the itinerary of Chicago. We go to the beach side, people watch, and check out the pier. It's crowded, and carnivalesque, and over touristy. The energy form our journey is quickly depleting with every step further down the boardwalk. Janet looks at me and says, "what d'ya think?" I tell her I've seen enough- and to my excitement she says "How quickly can we get out of here?" This is the kind of thing that could send my invisible Genie home. No magic here- just a commercialized good time. Everyone recommended a boat ride. The architecture is beautiful here, and the lake is spectacular- so we decide on this.  We buy some tickets, and decide to go to a restaurant called the "Purple Pig" even though we aren't really hungry, but a summer drink sounds fun. It just so happens that after Janet gets home and looks up the restaurant she discovers it was rated the number one new restaurant n the US by Bon Appetit, but did you really have any doubt, at this point? Needless, to say, the food is so good. We eat bone marrow with herb spread, spring peas with a zap of mint...this was a mouth holiday, considering all the canned chicken salad I'd had on my road trip. Absolute joy. We finished our boat tour and learned mostly nothing from our narrator, Mr. Mumblkins, but it was still beautiful to see the city from this perspective even if I couldn't understand anything about the history.


As we are leaving the boat and walking back on Michigan Ave, I look up and casually see a high school friend walking by (who actually had emailed me a few days earlier saying she was following my trip, and told me to have a great time in Chicago, that they were also passing through). Kim McAfee was walking toward her family, who was car watching as we walked by ( boys- car watching...full circle). "Kim?" I look over at Janet who is shaking her head and laughing. Kim looks up and gives me a big hug. She says,"Hey kids this is the 'Tear Drop Lady'" which is pretty funny,  and then to me, "There are 8 million people in this city- and we run into each other? What are the chances?" I'm thinking based on our score over the last couple days the chances are amazing!

So Saturday leaves us full bellied, and assured that coming to Chicago was good for both Janet and me. Janet feels renewed, she tells me. She regains faith in the world. She has been at a place where many of us find ourselves at different points in our lives when we lose sight of our hope and our purpose. Sometimes life gives us a bum hand, and we forget that eventually the deal will get reshuffled, and our chance will come. I think she views this trip, and all the silly remarkable, and meaningful coincidences and experiences as more than chance. How being mindful of choices can change outcomes, and make us feel alive, and reminded that each one of us has purpose. We ride the storm, and along the way experience small, sweet, yummy gifts. I also am reminded this. Even though my trip is based on a sole purpose it seems that it's also been a soul purpose on many levels.


Today was a little break from the actual script and story development, but I think it was a vacation day. A renewing for the drive home. A reflection, and celebration. I leave Sunday. But before I do- Harpo awaits! It'll be hard to sleep. 

Genie In A Bottle of Beer

Janet and I make it back to the hotel. A little sweaty, and tired, but excited that we saw Harpo. The men we met that spoke to us were so sweet, and we are convinced that the Mid-West Mentality that you here about is not fictitious. Chicago has it all. A great lively city, beautiful architecture, and greenbelts. Plus the sea, and a kind attitude. It's like meeting a really nice and warm super model, who will eat pizza with you without telling you she needs to go to the gym afterward- that's Chicago!

We are tired, and debate on whether we can muster the energy to walk across town to Rick Bayless' restaurant, but we are hungry. Hunger wins, and Janet is excited about this chef she's watched on Food Network. I love good food, so I'm in, but we take a cab. Frontera Grill is packed, and the host tells us it'll be an hour and a half wait. Janet isn't sure if I want to wait, but my attitude is "Why Not?" Plus, I used to be a hostess in a restaurant- we always oversold the time- to get customers to leave. When you're not the owner, and you're in your youth,there's a local party at 10pm  that you want to get to, it's common to tell the customer a time frame that only the desperate will wait for. The theory: the less customers the quicker the closing, the quicker to the party! So I always subtract these arbitrary wait times by measuring the age of the host.

We walk across the street to a bar called Fado'. It's authentically Irish. The bartenders speak the dialect, and the dark woods, and smell feel as though I am in Dublin. Janet thinks so too. We are loving this, and if the dinner reservations don't happen- we are perfectly, content. Plus- we get carded twice. I finally ask if we are being Punked! There is no way we look under age- but it worked because we are giddy! Nothing like a little stroke to make us purr.

Janet orders a beer, and I order this fabulous drink- a bluberry something, gin/vodka and tonic. I think next to a recent Gin Fizz in San Francisco, this is my new favorite. Note to self- call Fado and get details of drink. Next to us is a gathering of three men. I have my camera, so it seems it is obvious we are from out of town. The men next to us make their way over, and chat us up. We tell them we are out of towners, and they go nuts wanting to give us a proper itinerary. Viagara Triangle is mentioned, Chicago Pizza, Top of the Hancock building, Blues on Halston. Of course the Viagara Triangle gets our attention, and we laugh over this. But then the Chicago Pizza is argued over, and I chime in that "Pizano's is on Oprah's Best list!" I use Saul's quote to act like I know what I am talking about. The conversation switches to where we are individually from, and I tell them that I have driven myself to Chicago, and Janet tells them about the Tear Drop. They are cracking up, and I show them a picture of my trailer. Brent, one of the guys says, "So you guys are Oprah fans?" Janet and I look at each other forgetting my earlier tout of pizza lists. We aren't sure how to answer. We laugh, and say, "We like Oprah." Brent says, "I work at Harpo!" Janet and I then look at each other, and start laughing. We can't stop. Our thoughts are "Of course, he does!" Which brings Genie wish number 2 full circle. Brent works at Harpo, and then continues with, "I can give you guys a tour if you'd like. When do you go home?" This is incredible. This is the wish I threw out there earlier today, but didn't get. He walks away and Janet and I are once again stunned. I video tape her so we don't forget what just happened, and the energy surrounding it ( but somehow this gets lost). When Brent, and his dad return, Janet tells them of my script. We tell them what the journey is about, and that us meeting him is part of the enchantment. He is so sweet, and loves my idea. He tells us little sweet things about Oprah. How he was a cameraman on the Oprah and Gail Road Trip. He is thrilled about my idea, and says he is the last one to get in the way of a mission. He will absolutely give us a tour. Before we leave to go back to our dinner reservations we exchange numbers with a promise that when the movie is made, I am buying him a drink at Fado. I really can't wait for that to happen. Everyone in Chicago, so far has been incredible, and I cannot wait to come back with my story to share it with them.

Dinner reservations end up being about an hour, maybe an hour, ten- we get Sangria (I love this), and Janet orders ceviche- which she has been craving!  The food is great, and right next to us sits a funny group of men who are in the Gaming Business. they make video games, and one of the men went to my rival school where I teach. So crazy, and just yet another example of "small world" reminders.  We are all connected. Dreams are simple to achieve when you realize that each person you meet, is connected, and it's all a matter of threadbare walls that keep you from here to there. Moments- change our lives. Simple moments.

When we leave it's pouring outside. It's a beautiful Summer rain, and a perfect night. I love that I came. I love that Janet came too. We are in awe...keep laughing at all the little coincidences that keep happening, and our statement every time something happens is "Of Course..."  Our cab driver picks us up, and says, "You're a couple of teachers!" We laugh, not sure how he knows this, but at this point we are just going with it all. I ask him where he is from? He makes me guess. I say, "Ghana" I win points for not saying "Jamaica" and he tells us he is from "Nigeria" I was close. This little detail doesn't mean much, but it's just an example of how the feeling is that we are experiencing. It's like we've stepped into something magical. Both of us feel it, and are exhilarated by it. It's fun. Really really fun! I'm so glad I am rewarded by taking the step to journey.

See you in a few years, Brent! Thanks for being a part of all this!

Why Not??? Day 5 or 6 (..I can't keep track).

I woke up looking for Cooper, and looking for the ceiling of the tear drop from inside.  I was in a hotel bed with great sheets, and air conditioning- Cooper was at the Doggie Daycare, and I had made it to Chicago. It was all coming clear to me: Today was going to be a great day!


I'm thinking somewhere between San Francisco and Illinois- a Genie snuck into my trip, and gave me wishes I was unaware of. It seems that my thoughts keep getting manifested- good and bad, and although, my life is usually one that banks on luck- this trip seems like it's luck on steroids. Janet, my Louisiana friend stopped at one point and said "Do these things always happen to you?" And even though I wanted to say "Yes!" because on some level, I realize things happen to me that don't happen to others, this trip seems excessive.

One thing I love about Summer in other states is that it rains. When we go to Montana in the summertime we get these incredible thunderstorms. Out of nowhere the sky turns black, and the rain and sky become violent. There is something ominous about this, and so as Janet and I started off on our first day in the city, I thought- it'd be great to get some weather while we are here. Genie wish number 1! We are walking to get our first Chicago slice of pizza. The sky turns dark. We are wondering if we should get an umbrella. I tell Janet, "Walking in the rain is nice!" She says, "What if you meet Oprah? DO you want to be a drowned rat, for that?" Good point.


I should probably pause here for a minute and reveal a little something about my script. My story line has something to do with Oprah- hence the drive to Chicago. I've told people this, but I am not telling people in Chicago this because it wouldn't be authentic. I just am here to research, and get information, and gain clues for my character. I want to be, as my character would be, and not as her writer. 


We stop into a pizza place recommended by our hotel. Pizano's Pizza. Outside the rain has started to fall. It's a perfect Chicago day. We order a beer, and a pizza. Our waiter is adorable. He keeps saying his name is Saul (pronounced Sall), but he's Mexican, and I'm struggling saying his name like that. I'm from California, and I teach at a predominantly Hispanic School where names like Juan, Jose, Beatriz, Araceli are our "John" and "Mary" alternatives. So to say "Sall" doesn't fit. I guess in Chicago, Spanish isn't the second language. So I ask him, "You mean Sa oool?" His smile gets big. He says, "Yes. It is Sa- ule!" And thats what we call him from there on out. I'm a big name person. Having the name Jeneane all my life created this. Most times people would get it wrong, and act like it was no big deal. I think it's a big deal- it's everyone's first connection to one another. Get it wrong- then everything is off from the get go. 


Saul brings us our drinks, and pizza. as he is setting it down he says, "This is on the Oprah List of Best Chicago Pizza!" Janet and I start to laugh. Enchanted, once again. We ask him to tell the camera this, and he gives us a sweet interview. Later as the rain storms outside a ceiling tile falls at the bar right in front of us. We are all a little shaken up, but for me this feels like more weather, and reminds me of surprise, and how anything can happen. I'm ready to be taken away by all the surprises that this two day journey has to offer. I love that Janet is also ready and has come with the attitude of "Why Not?"


Before we leave, Saul brings us over a free dessert. He says it's on the house. Janet and I are thrilled. Blessed, once again- next stop Harpo Studios. 


By the time we leave Pizano's the rain has cleared. For a Chicago Summer- we hit the perfect weather. Have I mentioned how clean and nice the city is? Janet and I decided when we walked into the subway terminal, that it was so clean you could eat off the floor. At Disneyland, there is a street sweeper every few yards, and I can't help but feel like this is a "real life" version of that.  I kept waiting to see one in Chicago. I swear, it was like Fantasyland walking through town. The streets were lined with beautiful flower boxes, and wide streets. Tons of green belts, and at every turn you could see the beautiful lakes and canals. 


We arrive at Harpo Studio. Janet and I hear the angels sing- or at least the harps were playing. The heavens opened up, and we saw it straight ahead. Harpo Studio is a bit outside of the main part of the city. It takes up a whole block. We take tons of pictures, and then meet Thomas and another man walking by. They take our picture, and talk with us about Oprah. They know her- see her all the time. Said she's done so much for the community. Said that "This use to be skid row" but that Oprah changed things. 


 
We leave Harpo. I don't tell Janet this, but as nice as it was to see the outside of the building, I was hoping to see more. I was "hoping" we'd run into someone leaving work that was nice enough to say, "Want a tour?" I know, I know...this is a ridiculous thought. I throw it out there to my invisible Genie, regardless. It didn't happen, and  I wish it had...so we leave. It's a little late. We are tired. We need a nap. We'll go to the hotel, and then head out later to dinner to a place Janet is really looking forward to- a chef by the name of Bayless. We supposedly, need reservations month in advance, but we're going to take our chances!

Chica Go!

The week before I headed out on my journey, I started to panic. I have never before embarked on something like this, and alone. At the time of planning it sounded like a perfect idea, but as the weeks and days passed, anxiety started to get to me, and I found myself having trouble thinking, and breathing through it all. I was scared- to put it simply.

Driving into the city for the first time.

Almost sundown, on the way to Paws Here. This is so beautiful!

I am a mom. I have been a mom for the last twenty one years. My youngest daughter is now seventeen, and will be a senior next year. Often times, I wonder what life is going to look like next year, with an empty house. In a way, the trip was about me learning to adventure alone. I have always believed that when it all comes down to it- we are alone. We come into this world alone, and we leave alone. It’s been an important practice for me to get very comfortable with myself, and accept my aloneness, and learn how to function in it. It’s hard for my social self. So, actually leaving, experiencing this "pre- empty nest journey" started to get under my skin! 

About four days before I left I posted on Facebook “Should I stay or should I go...” Of course, it’s a reference to the Clash song, but it was also a plea for a nudge. Everyone that knew about my journey, chimed in. Supportive, and forceful they said, “Gooooo!”

Early signs of civilization! Go Girl...Just go!!

I knew this, of course. I had planned the trip. There wasn't really a possibility of canceling. I was going, but the fear was still there. Most times, answers to pressing issues come to me in the night. It’s my subconscious mind working things through. I woke up the next morning, and thought “Go! Go to Chicago!” and then I stopped. I said it aloud  “ChicaGO!” I separated the words, “Chick- a- GO”, and then it hit me, and I started laughing. “Chica GO!” I know it sounds crazy, but my answer was right there. “Go Girl!” It was about being a girl, and being brave, and taking a leap. I was going to the ultimate Go Girl city- “Chica Go!”

Fred and Dianne of Paws Here. I really like them.

Paws Here Grounds- Coop was so happy.

I had to drop Cooper off beforehand. I didn’t want to deal with him in the city, and he needed a break from the car. I had found a place near Utica, Illinois- about an hour outside the city. It was called PawsHere  and they were so kind and friendly on the phone, their prices were amazing, and they even said I could leave my trailer on their property for free. I was really excited to meet Fred and his wife Diane. They even stayed  at the kennel an extra hour for me and then as soon as Diane and I met- you couldn’t get us away from each other. We gabbed, and chatted, and I knew, once again, that this trip was enchanted, and blessed, and  I was absolutely suppose to be here.They wanted to hear all about my journey, and were excited about my script. It gave me that last bit of energy I needed to hit the city. Plus, Cooper- my sweet dear friend was excited, and they loved him up for the two days I was gone. http://www.pawsherepetresort.com/ He was groomed, and treated special. I barely recognized him when I returned Sunday. 

I arrived to meet Janet at a cute little pub late Thursday night. As soon as I pulled into Chicago- It was fabulous. The city is amazing. Surrounded by water the sky was lit up. I love a city. I love the energy it gives, and how alive and protected I feel when I am in one. I was telling Janet this. I said, “I think I love a city so much because it’s the ultimate community. People are close together, and connected. It’s impossible not to interact!” It’s how I feel. and Arriving in Chicago had been the light at the end of my tunnel. I just knew to my core, that great things were going to happen here. I knew that all the planning, and the ticks, and the creepers, and the loneliness was worth it. I could feel a sense of acceptance, and belonging. This was not in vain. My mission was meant to be- but it could have just been delirium from 20 hours of driving. Yes- 20 hours by the time I got to the pub.