Such A Control Freak!

I've been researching writers, and how long it takes them to write and rewrite. I saw somewhere that it took Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo five years to write Bridesmaids. Norman McLean, a writer I love  didn't write his novella A River Runs Through It until he was in his mid seventies. A fact that I carry around and pull on at will.  And the writer of The Kings Speech was 73 years old when he finally saw his film come to the silver screen. It took him 30 years to write and rewrite that script. 

I have an issue with time. I have an internal anxiety about getting this done. Maybe it's because the Vice President of Production that I met on the plane from Costa Rica gave me six months- over a year ago, or maybe it is because I feel like my time clock is ticking and I want to parlay the second half of my life earning money as a writer. Whatever the reason- last night I had a breakthrough. I had an internal breakthrough that was more about my story and less about my own desires. 

I have been struggling trying to finish this first draft. It's been going along at snails pace, and then I will stop it. I will not want to even look at it for long periods of time, and then I will get frustrated, and angry that it is not coming out like I had hoped or planned. I am a horrible self critic, and my expectations are extremely high. Last night as I was resisting looking at my script I came across a website called the script lab http://thescriptlab.com which had some great information on screenwriting. Let me preface that I am NOT a screenwriter, yet. I am writing a script, and I am learning the "how to's" of it all, and I cannot stress enough how very difficult it is. When you are writing only 110 pages: every word counts, and every scene and piece of dialogue matter. This adventure I've set myself on is not the easy path- and after a year of learning the craft I have so much respect for even the lousiest of films. At least at the end of the day they have made something that is visual, and has a thread that stays on track. And my respect for those who have written funny, thoughtful, incredible films- all I can say is WOW. David Sedaris said "most people have no concept of writing." That each word is thought out, and every sentence contemplated.  When people say "You've only written three pages today" I have to laugh. They don't understand that those three pages took hours, and that within those pages there's probably only one or two good sentences.  

Last night, avoiding my script once again, and roaming around the script lab, I discovered a character questionnaire http://thescriptlab.com/screenwriting/character/creating-characters/23-character-questionnaire that helped me so much. Just when I was ready to toss this whole process and call myself a failure, and admit to myself and the world I was a fraud- I found help. It's like a bad relationship- or a new one, anyway. Until you figure out the rhythm of each other- the road is bumpy, and each party could split at any point. My script and I have not yet made a commitment. I'm committed only if it goes my way- and this is where the problem lies. I am not letting her tell her story. I am interrupting constantly, and telling her what to say and do. And because I haven't listened or helped her find her voice- I am bored. She is telling me only what I want to hear. Today I am taking a different approach. 

Often, in writing classes and workshops I hear them preach that the story has to be character driven. I know what this means on a base level, and I am an English teacher so I completely understand what it means to look at a story from the characters point of view. Huck Finn is a perfect example. He is flawed- and through his flaws we see society and the horrible racism of the south. He doesn't even know he is a racist at the beginning of his journey, but as he becomes connected to Jim and sees Jim's humanity, Huck learns about the world he lives in. Through Huck Finn we learn about ourselves- because let's face it most racists don't know that they are racists until they are confronted with it.  Mark Twain understood the idea of a story being character driven. He wrote a story about society through a young boy who was flawed and needed to open his eyes and see the world with clarity. His life, and Jim's life depended on it. I understand this clearly. When I teach this piece, I see the end product, and it is easy to dissect it back to Hucks transformation.   

To write my own story through this perspective is difficult. Even though I love my main character- I started telling a story that i thought she was leading- but really I was leading it- not her. This may not make sense to anyone else, other than the writers I am talking to, but I promised to share the journey with you all, and this is part of it. I am three quarters of the way through my script and I am finding the main character flat. She has little to talk about, and isn't fully defined. I am bored with her, and if I am bored with her- then others will be as well, and her story isn't very compelling. What I discovered is that she has been my puppet. She has been doing and saying what I want her to, and in reality it should be the other way around. I should be her slave for the next 110 pages- I need to write whatever she tells me to. I need to protect her and get her story out even if it's not what I thought she was going to say. It's crazy, but I am excited more than I have been in a long time. I can't wait to se what she is going to tell me. I know she wants to get to the Oprah show- and I kind of know why- but I want to understand it more. Why is she so driven by this...what is she hoping to find? I shouldn't rush her. The pressure I have put on her has shut her down, and silenced her intent. 


I am learning, and growing and taking on something that I didn't imagine would be so tough. My friend said "Remember why you started this whole thing" and it has stuck with me now for a couple of weeks. I didn't know the answer until last night. I started this thing because I have a character that is flawed, like so many of us. She is a single mom who wants her daughters to not repeat the mistakes she has made. Her biggest fear is that they will, and she will have to face her imperfections and failures. Instead of changing herself- she looks to Oprah to influence her children, but what her daughters need is her, but she is so insecure and feels inadequate she can't see this. It takes a journey for her to figure out what it means to be their mom and let them have their mistakes and dreams- just to love them through it all. 

It'll take me time to get there. It might take me until I am 73 years old. I hope not, but today I have decided to lift the time clock from my script. I don't want my character to reveal herself based on my own agenda. I will be at her beck and call. I am actually excited. I may even toss this first 60 pages in the trash and start over- which might kill me. I'll let you know. I'm working though something...it's good. I'll get there. Failure is an absolute must if I am going to learn.  I've gotta stop being such a control freak- try it- it's not so bad. 

The Beginning, and the journey....

My journey begins last July. I had gone through what I thought was a bad year (only to learn- it was going to get worse- but I won't share that here), but ignorance is bliss, and I thought I was at the end of it. I had just gotten on a plane, coming home from vacation in Costa Rica. My daughters, and mom and friend were on a different plane, and I took an alternate route. I sat down, and said these words quietly "Could ya throw me a bone, God!" These were the words that I felt. I needed a string, a thread of light, and a hope. In walks random guy, sits down across the aisle- we joke about the seven foot tall German brother and sister begging us to take the middle seats, and call ourselves selfish Americans. We chat for a good portion of the flight about parenthood, teaching, and strength of character, and life in general. I am feeling good- and thankful that good people like this man exist. Our Plane lands in LA. We get our bags from the overhead, and he says "My passion is to help schools get better, but my job is making movies!" And there it is....the statement that opens the door to my next year, or more....

Costa Rica. Mostly, we have no idea whats ahead...

Oddly enough, I am a teacher, but I am writing a screenplay. A secret hope, a wish, a dream. I don't want to be pushy, so I say nothing, and tell him good- bye, as he remarks "I think your girls are lucky to have you- for what it is worth!" This is a golden statement for me. I need this when times feel heavy, and I am thankful for just this. But, God threw me a bone and it wasn't a piece of kibble-something I may normally be satisfied with- I set the bar low sometimes to avoid disappointment. God Heard me plea, and wants me to have more, but I was clueless what to do with the opened door, and tried to walk the other way. So God- gives me another chance. I get stuck next to Movie Man once again. The terminal is under construction and we need to take a shuttle. I tell him my friend and I are working on a script. He hands me his card and says- you got six months, but I want to read it when your done. A lot of people in LA say they are "somebody" but rarely is it the "real deal". I can't tell you who this man is, but after looking at the card, and "googling" him when I got home. Hint: God- doesn't mess around, and for those of us who believe- He has contacts! Movie Man- it turns out works for one of the main (huge) studios in Hollywood, and is the VP for the Screen Department. He finds scripts that will get made. He said "Timberlake" is in his next movie.  I call my friend, and tell her, and she is less than inspired. But weeks and a month go by, and we haven't written anything- she can't get together, she's not motivated, and we are a bad fit for partners. I tell her I am going to write another story, and Im going to do this one on my own because it doesn't seem like she is interested- I do this over a text because I can't seem to get in contact with her, and she has rescheduled our writing session once again.. She doesn't answer my text, and I call daily because something inside of me knows she won't deal well with this. But then I think something else is wrong, and worry. But finally in a fit she texts me, with cruel and unfair words, and  ends our 25 year friendship- telling me that she is hurt that I would jump ship and go on my own. It hurt and I am sad, but I realize it's just another of many disappointments I have encountered. I am not to blame in my desire for more.


Here's what I have learned. Dreams aren't for "Someday", I was not "Some Day" dreaming. I was dreaming for Now- Today! I had an obligation- God gave Me a gift. I was moving forward, and making it happen- I had six months- now five. I learned a valuable lesson, and possible another gift from God. 

Toronto- Whom I love!

I scratched that old idea- it wasn't even a story knowing what I know now, and started over. My Movie Man knew this, but he must have seen something more, and gave me hope.  I begin exploring the story I really want to tell. The one that needs to be told. I still am clueless though. I book a flight to Toronto- Syd Field (script teacher guru) is holding a conference. A lot of people criticize him, but I don't care what people say- if someone is hungry, and there is food to be eaten- it suffices. What he taught me was helpful, and he showed me there is a lot more to writing a script than a great idea. So I left beautiful Toronto (I'll be back with my film at the festival-I am sure of it) and headed into an abyss of confusion, and discovery. In fact another gift is given on a plane ride home- I sit next to Syd Fields assistant- and he encourages me, and offers support. He gives me his card, and another connection in this new world is made. Doors open-walking through....

Home in LA- no idea, but a character with a message. No External Goal- but an internal Goal.  

My dear friend who works for a Studio in LA introduces me to a schmuck (she didn't know this) with good advice. I learn, listen and run with it.  Run because I am in a hurry, and because he is a schmuck! I buy Final Draft, I form a story, and have a weak title. I take his suggestion and take a class/workshop called Save The Cat. A great next step for me. By this time I have a story, and a goal, and after the workshop I have a clear vision of the parts. And a Killer TITLE!!! 


It's getting exciting. Still haven't written a word, and it's January, but it's going off in my head, on my board, and note cards. My student asks me daily- "Have you written your script yet?" I love that he is my accountability gauge. He wouldn't let up- Thanks, Jake.


 I am six months in.....didn't meet the goal, but I know this remark of Movie Man giving me six months was a motivator- he'll read my finished product- when it's good. 

Second Board- still sparse...

I buy a board- post it to my bedroom wall- I want to see it. It sits there untouched and eventually falls off the wall. God must be saying "Write, would you?" Get a new one, put it on the wall and fill it with notes! 

My story is about a woman and a journey, and I understand the woman, but I can't see the path she is on. I don't know the road, I don't see the people, I can't smell the air.....I'm uninspired. So, I go get my hair lightened- thats what us girls do. My Hair Master- or Guru, or whatever he calls himself- I call him friend- dear sweet friend. He chats with me. I tell him what i'm doing and struggling with and he says, "Go on the Journey!" I knew this was the answer, but I needed someone to tell me it was possible, and I wasn't a looney for thinking about it. The birth of my next two weeks was conceptualized as I was foiled, dried, and sprayed. We created the whole adventure.....

Big Fat and Happy Cooper

I leave this Sunday....I will journey from LA to Chicago. My dog Cooper and I will live in this adorable tear drop trailer which I rented from Vacations-in-a- can.com ( pictures below), and I will live and breathe my characters into this trek. They will meet people, have struggles, find joy, and become empowered. I cannot wait to discover this dream. Please join me here for the next two weeks, and then afterward, as I complete the whole script. This is my Script Trip- and so far it's been a ride. Jump in the passenger seat- let me take you with me. It's fun to live a dream.....

Inside our cozy trailer 

Can' Em Danno

See You Sunday...........