Ignorance and Confidence? I've Got That!!!

There's been a little bit of time pass since my glorious trip. I was on such a high. The earth opened up. Seas were parted. Things turned to gold. Then I came home. 

I came home to grocery store shopping, dog walking, closet cleaning, and cat feeding. I came home to my real life, and writing seemed hard. The trip and the new life seemed like it was fingertips away. But since I have been home- I am not so sure. I have let doubt sift into my brain, and my non action is evidence of this. 

It's amazing how so few words can take away such huge actions. I mean- I drove almost 6000 miles for a dream. Knocked on the universes door, and it responded with a welcome mat. All of that is good, and lets me believe I am heading in the right direction- but then I get a comment of "..it's a competitive business- you really think you can sell a script?" I hear it every few days, and then I google scripts that have sold, and the far off chances that mine will. This is what I mean about words beating up my amazing actions. It makes me doubt the small miracles that I experienced this last year. But then I am reminded of the quote by my favorite thinker Mark Twain. He said, "To succeed in life,  you need two things: ignorance and confidence!"I've always been pretty good at these two things. Some might say that my confidence is unfounded- but that is where ignorance comes in. 

I remember when I bought my house. It was about ten years ago. I had just finished student teaching, and I didn't yet have a job. It was  January, and I knew I would spend the rest of the school year substitute teaching, and applying for jobs in the different districts. I bought my house under a no income document loan. I had money from my other house, and so the bank gave me the loan. My ignorance was more concerned about the loan, than how I would continue to pay for the house! I was absolutely positive I would get a job! No question. I went on interview after interview. I treated the job market like a smorgasbord. Job offers popped up, but I turned one or two down. Too far away from the girls, or not the right assignment. August came- I did not have a job! I panicked. I freaked out. I began to scramble. It seemed that somehow the confidence I had and the certainty I felt diminished quickly in the face of reality, and my pending house payment. Success still happened though- in the best way, and perfect way for my family. On all those previous job offers I knew my goal. I knew the right job would appear if I chose not to settle- but then I let fear seep in. I ended up getting the perfect job, and things went my way. I tell the story to others, about my job entrance of my now ten year long career, as a miracle; a gift.  I look back and think how crazy it seemed to buy a house without a job and others have even highlighted the insanity- but ignorance was a blessing for me then, and it will be again now.  This is a good reminder for me. I need to not panic. I'm going down an unmarked journey that probably seems insane to most. It's a long shot. It's a gamble. But in my own mind I have to know the goal, and the intent is not to throw my life away. My intent is to challenge myself and live more fully. My intent is like it has always been- even with the house, and the job. It's about my family, and about a life style fit.

I am writing something I am unfamiliar with, and I am venturing into an unfamiliar dream. Even in this unfamiliarity, the goal seems right for me. I don't feel off my rocker- but then again, I never do. I guess not knowing what I am up against is the key. I'm probably the perfect one for this journey, considering how ignorant I can be. After all- when everyone else kept calling me brave to take my road trip- didn't I find out that all it was was stupidity? So ignorance will reign again, and somehow seem like courageous and brave. Mr. Twain would be so proud. 

End of the Trip= The Beginning of Everything Else.

Cooper and I were happy to finally get home. I'll sum up my last days quickly here. I went home thru South Dakota. It was a long nights drive, and after the blown tire, and picking up Cooper- I really felt like I had to make up for lost time. I drove through Iowa, and then Minnesota, and on thru South Dakota. I spent the night, got up early and made it to South Dakota. I was so glad I went. I stayed at a great camp ground. I loved it! Probably the best nights sleep since Donner pass- and it was because it was not a KOA. I know that KOA camping is much safer, but I hate it, and so did Cooper. I feel like I need to hike my shorts up just a little bit higher, and talk a little bit louder in these places. I'm not one for making neighbors with my fellow campers. I don't get these folks.

I couldn't drive into the park- but I did see the faces when I drove past. That was enough. I got to think of a very funny line that will be used in the script just because I saw this. It was worth it. Cooper however, is done! I'm getting there. I want to be home. Plus, Joe (the tear drop owner calls) and asks where I am. I actually, forgot to call him and remind him I was keeping the trailer until the fourth- but I also didn't realize it was already the third. With all my driving, I forgot the dates. Could my character underestimate time?? A possible idea for my characters time crunch.

I drive a total of 25 hours from July 3rd to the 4th. I'm tired, but more than anything I am feeling bad for Cooper. At one point, I drive a good 150 miles without seeing a gas station, and I'm squeezing every last drop out of this tank. Thank God for my trucker behind me- I have a pretty good idea he has stayed behind me for this reason. He's done this long trek, and knows there's nothing ahead. I find a scary station outside an even scarier motel. My trucker drives by and I wave. He honks. I'm safe.


I head on out, and pass thru a cute little town. I get stopped in road construction and meet Andrew- my 23 year old road buddy. He's heading to California- from Connecticut. Don't get any weird ideas. He's not my Thelma and Brad Pitt moment. But we do prod each other on, and have dinner together. Sweet young guy, and good to have someone on the road.

It's the fourth. I am outside of Salt Lake City. I get going early- head through Reno, and Donner Pass, and make it to Petaluma to drop off the trailer. Joe couldn't be nicer. I tell him about Wyoming, and ruining his tire chocks, and also that Cooper slept in the trailer one nigh because I was scared. He is so sweet- and says it was a good enough excuse. I told him I'd be renting it again- it was just so much fun.


I decide that it's the fourth, and I will stop off and have dinner again at J&S Winery. My friend Andrew
 helped me make this decision. He said, "It's the 4th of July! Celebrate it with a friend!" Good advice. I celebrate with my first fast food of the trip also. I drive through San Fran. and actually drive right passed my daughters apartment. She's in Bali- but it's still nice to feel the familiarity. Home, Home..I can almost smell it.


I make it to Jason's. We eat, I shower, and literally fall asleep. I miss all firework festivities. Thanks Kee and Jase for letting me off the hook.

I wake up and leave. I make it home by noon. I am so excited to drive into my driveway. But Cooper- is more thrilled. He almost falls and hurts himself getting out of the car. He runs toward the door- and immediately lays on my bathroom floor and sleeps. I clean things up, even take the car to the car wash, go to Fish Co with my parents and Jennifer, and go home and sleep.


July 5th- my journey is done. But it also just begins. I am inspired, and ready to conquer this script. It's my goal these next few months to finish it, and rewrite it, and rewrite it, and start pitching it. I hope to get a manager, and sell it. It's not going to be easy. I'm hoping to include you all in my process of writing, and how things happen from conception to the actual selling of a script. So, our journey doesn't really end here. Come along for the ride- I'd love to share it all with you.




Thanks for holding me up when I thought I was going to turn around. Thanks for the encouragement, and the spirit of adventure. I can't wait for more.