Day 3: Riverside!

I'm heading out of SLC-Wyo

 Did I already say, "Be careful what you wish for?" I really need to recognize more often that words and thoughts hold power. I believe this. I believe that how we live, and the thoughts that occupy space in our minds manifest themselves in our everyday lives. It's something that I have always held true. When I was a little girl, I believed it was some sort of secret magical power. If I thought something, and then it happened-it was my doing. That was tough to handle, especially when these thoughts were bad. It was like I could rule the world. Now, I just know that focusing my thinking in a positive way, gives me the opportunity to see the blessings in my life. I'm struggling right now explaining this clearly, so maybe it's better to just demonstrate a cycle of thinking that happened on my drive through the miserable Utah, then Wyoming. 

Could I have a better companion?

I guess it's Wednesday. I left the RV Park in Salt Lake City. I made a chicken salad sandwich, got Cooper tucked in the back seat, and headed out. I even put on some make-up, and showered. The trip is going great. I've met great people. Everyone so far has been super helpful, and supportive, and I'm kind of "Bad Ass" when I think about how easy this whole driving across country is. My friends back home have called me "brave" and it boggles me. I think, Brave? What's so brave about having ten open days, renting an adorable trailer, getting my dog in the car and driving to an amazing city-one that I have not yet visited. Sounds like fun, not brave. Maybe they mean "brave" for going after my dream. Two things you may need to know about me: I think way too much, and I don't think at all, and sometimes these things happen at the wrong time situationally. So, possibly what others have claimed as "brave" was just me not thinking. Today this is manifested. 

Nothing but this for miles

Wednesday is boring. I am driving through the most boring part of the country. For miles I see nothing but fields, and not pretty fields, but brown, open highway. I'm thinking about my poor characters as they drive through these parts, dysfunctional, and disconnected. My main character is on a happy journey, but she is bringing along her daughters (again this resembles my life, and some of the relational interactions resemble my daughters- but it's just because I know how to write these scenes better through experience. My daughters are not her daughters. It's important for me to clarify this because I am not writing an autobiographical. My relationship with my girls is too healthy- and I imagine would be so boring on screen) and they are not happy to be along for the ride. As I am driving I think-I am going to have to create some scenes with conflict here, or something probably will need to happen there. You know, the lay of the land- sketching out the story. 

Is this what you mean by "The Triangle?"

But then I have to pee. Yeah- it's been awhile since I have seen a rest area, and my gas is running low, and I really have to go to the bathroom. Yes, yes, I know I could go on the side of the road, but that seems dangerous. What if I get caught with my pants down? There are trucks everywhere, the side of the road is slim, and I'm just not sure. My friends and supporters have all urged me to just get it done, and I promised them I'd open my thinking to this. I pull off and "Success". I post to FaceBook, that I did the deed- they all call it the "Triangle" and the page fills with hysterical comments. I'm having a great time. I'm checking in. I'm eating great food, and Cooper is a dream companion. All this in my mind makes for really boring research for my story- but great fun for me in reality. Who wants to watch a character who has it all together? Nobody. And although, this is not an autobiographical, I was hoping for some points along the path where I could see areas that could be made for conflict. I resolve in my mind that I'll have to make them up. But "Local color" would've been nice. 

It's taking long to get to my point, I realize. Think about how long it was for me driving through Utah, then Wyoming- long, drawn out and desolate. 

It is now around 7:30 pm. The sun is setting. Let me add here- that the sunset is breathtaking. I just passed Cheyenne. I wonder: should I push through to Nebraska, or stop. I really am wanting to set up camp in the daylight-and as quickly as I decide, I look to my left and see a campground called WYO CAMP RV PARK. It's right off the highway, so it's not ideal, but I'm tired. 

I pull in, and the owner comes out, and asks if I'd like a spot. I tell him I'd like to check the bathrooms. The important things- ya know! (An example of me "not thinking"). The bathrooms are clean, and there is a grassy knoll for Cooper to play on. He gives me a spot close to the bathroom, and I pull my Tear Drop on the grass. I don't bother to look around, or notice that there are barely any other people around. Lots of RV's, but not people- well almost none. Plus- it's only $15 dollars- what a deal. I think- This camping thing is so easy, and cheap. 

I open the back of the car, and let Cooper out. As soon as I do- I hear a small voice- "Can I play with the dog, dad?" In the distance, not far from my car is a man and his son and another man- I don't see a wife or another woman- which immediately sends a trigger in my head of caution. But the kid is so cute, and Cooper is so happy to play- I ignore the trigger, and am open.  The men come and say hello, and are loving the tear drop, and the dog. I've been bored, and haven't talked to anybody for a day or so- so I engage a conversation -what was I thinking-right? My protection gauge was not on HIGH. But again, this little boy is adorable, and I immediately, take a liking to him. I have a disease for kids. I cannot be cured- I see their sweetness, and innocence, and I instantly want to "mother" them and show them kindness. Kindness, at this moment ruled over "F@ck Off!" 

See What I mean?

Because of the little boys sweet heart, I ignore all other danger signs of the evening. His father tells me a tall tale of being a country singer- which I accept because I have no knowledge of country music. I realize that any big "Country Star" would not be staying in a place like this, but I think that he is visiting his uncle- so I pass it off.  Plus, I don't like to "judge", and from what I know about famous people- they some times show up in odd places. Plus- he sings a few bars of some songs (that I don't know-but he does) and he's got a good voice. Plus, his seven year old son talks at will about his dad's band, and touring on the "tour bus" and how he loves it. The story seems reasonable at face value. As I relay it I hear it's ridiculousness, but in the moment-and only for a moment I accepted, and started sifting. Regardless, I'm not impressed- I don't listen to Country. I don't know the songs- good for him that he is a country star- it has no bearing on me. The stories, however keep expanding, and they keep getting grander. I realize that he and his son, and the "uncle" are camping in a tent. The whistle blows in my head, and I know he is a liar a pathological liar!  BUT I still don't care. I think (or don't think) "poor guy-so insecure". I don't think: "Guys a liar-run!" It's a problem- I trust people. And I also, don't care that much that he's lying because I feel bad for his boy, and am more interested in showing his son what good people are like. Save the world mentality when I should have been having "Save myself mentality!" 

At Least He couldn't Fabricate a lie about the
Wyoming sunset

It gets worse. The stories get more ridiculous, and dad gets drunker. Cooper will not leave my side- which is abnormal. I always say Cooper would sell me out for a measly piece of kibble, but apparently, I am wrong.  Finally, I am sitting in my tear drop. I have my iPad in my hands and am googling everything he is telling me. He is unaware of this. But why didn't I tell him to just go away? Fear? Apathy? Ignorance? -I'm still working through that.  His son goes to bed, and he is sitting outside spinning another tale..and I am not clear on his motivation. He tells me he's traveled the world, and tries to talk politics- another subject I couldn't care less about. I am mostly quiet. He says "California! I don't like it." I say, "I'd never leave- it's the best state in the union, in my opinion." He says well there is one city in Clifronia that is beautiful," he pauses, and then says, "Riverside!" I can't hold it in- I laugh. I choke on it.I say, "Riverside is a crappy town!" He argues and the story gets wilder: he knows Elton John, and has been to his beautiful house in Riverside, California. Even sat at his "ivory" piano. He said "The only town that is remotely beautiful in California is- wait for it.....Riverside!" I say "why you blowing smoke up my ass?" This is probably a dumb move on my part, but I can't help it. I don't want him to think he got away with lying to me. I show him the picture that he's not in that I just googled. "You're the lead singer and your pictures not even in the band?" He tries to explain, and I told him to go away, that I was tired, and that his son is amazing. He stumbles away- drunk on whiskey. Didn't I say I was going to go in a bar in cow country in have a stiff drink? Well- this is not what I had in mind. 

I lock the doors tight. I am scared! I can't find my car keys- I'm panicked. I put them down somewhere. I thought in my purse, but Ive looked 10 times. I've torn the place apart. I realize as he stumbled away that he is probably passed out in his tent- but I don't know what morning will be like, and although I am exhausted, and fall asleep for an hour- I get woken up by my inner voice/ God who tells me to "Scram!" and this voice is NOT quiet!!! It is loud, and certain, and pushy. I throw everything in the car quickly. Look in my purse as I pray "please please-keys!!!" and they are there. Cooper doesn't understand but his fat body groggy from sleep gets in and we leave- driving over the tire chocks- I break them- but I am gone, and safe, and feel soooooo stupid. "Brave," you say? I wasn't thinking, and am obviously, not "bad ass!" 

My long boring day, has turned eventful. I tell my friend that this was all a crazy idea- I should go home. He said something interesting, and I think I even wrote it in my first blog. He said, "You didn't book a trip to Hawaii for a reason. This was not ever going to be easy!" It's true. I claimed I wanted to go through some of what my characters would go through- to get a feel of the road, and women traveling across country. I got what I cam for- just wasn't sure I was ready for this fear. 

  

I continue the drive. Sun comes out...I am not sure I should continue. But I do realize, however- I have some "conflict" and some experience to write a way better scene for my characters. I also have "local color" and I even peed on the side of the road. I'm heading east.....Next stop Nebraska.

Roaryngitis.....

First night in the Tear Drop! Cozy

"Nevada- when will it end?" I think this was the comment I may have said to Cooper half way through my day. But be careful what you wish for- after Nevada comes Utah. I-80 East is pretty uneventful, except for morning.

Not much to see.
Characters will be annoyed through this

Amazing camp breakfast!!

Tuesday started off with a bang, and ended with a bunch of RV's stuck way too close together, and a patch of grass. This is what people do on vacation? But even at Donner State Park campers want to connect, and mostly I don't mind, but I'm starting to see some trends. My friend reminded me when she called and I was complaining about "campers" wanting to talk and become FB friends?!? 


She said, "Did you tell them you're camping alone for a reason?" I guess "alone" equates to lonely. Another good thing to remember when writing my character. She is a single mom (now be aware- she only resembles certain parts of my life- her story is not mine. I am traveling to Chicago because she does- not vice versa) But to answer the question of roaring, and letting people know that I don't want to talk is a problem for me, but my character doesn't yet see it as a problem- she still believes that when others ask a question, or borrow her time- she is obligated to give it. In some ways yesterday, I slunk back into passivity, as well. It's hard to stand guard of that piece of myself- I am a connector, and willing to share- but it can be overwhelming. So,  I just grinned, listened, and let an Australian elderly woman follow me around my campsite telling me her whole life story and migration into American culture. She was waiting for her husband to get back- I guess she thought I needed company while I cooked my amazing breakfast out in the middle of NOWHERE- peaceful, quiet, solitary space. Even her dog wouldn't leave us alone, and when I said my dog was too docile for her- she insisted that her 9 year old spazzy dog was just "playful". Cooper was happy when I put him on a leash, and contained him. You know when containment is a viable option- that the alternative isn't good. 

In the words of Guy Woodson, "This Tear Drop is Rad!" 

Tear Drop is holding up well. It's a conversation piece, though. But who am I kidding- I knew this. I pulled over the other day in Trader Joe's parking lot to make a sandwich and feed Cooper. I was way in the back. So many people drove by, stopped talked, pet Cooper, took pictures...who knew? Some sweet woman drove by and rolled down her window and said "You're a curiosity!" Asked if I was having fun, and I said "An absolute blast!" 

Winnemucca, Nevada.
A town with bad names!

I'm more inspired now than ever before. I hard a long stretch of nothingness to think about my story. I feel sorry for my characters driving through these parts. They won't be as carefree and happy as Cooper and me. I realized yesterday when ruminating over something a friend  said to me. He said "You're a women who roars!" It's funny to hear this. Helen Reddy's song was one of my favorites when I was little. I used to sing it at the top of my lungs. and also that one "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan...." I was always this way- pushing past what seemed normal, or traditional. My mom even asked me once when I was playing Barbies. Barbie was driving a sporty orange Porche, and Ken was in the passenger seat. My mom said, Are you going to get married some day and your husband will buy you a Porche?" Definitely a sign of the 70's thinking- but I was seven, and tradition was all I saw. I clearly remember being insulted by this statement- I said "I'm buying my own Porche!" 




I roar! Sometimes- I wonder what happens if I get roaryngitis? My character has a case of this, and it's chronic for her passed down from generations of taking it, nicely! By the time she gets to Chicago-she better roar!!! I'm looking for hints along the way to help her. 




Saw this in Winnemucca, Nevada. I'd just love to live on this street! 

Clean and crowded.
 Getting out of here without breakfast.
I'll stop elsewhere.

Okay- today I am heading out of Salt Lake City- into heat. Wyoming, and Nebraska today. Should I get an Omaha Steak. I think I need to go to a bar and grab a stiff drink in cow country....I will keep you posted!

First days journey

I think I may have misspoken in my first posting. I said you could ride along in the passenger seat- it's too full- there's no room, sorry! Did I have amnesia on Sunday when I was packing? I brought clothes that are good for a nice hotel-and a lot of them. Well, I'm not a camper...I like nice sheets. Mostly, I like home- that is why this is such a big journey for me. 

The plan, however was to leave Monday, but in my wisdom-and scattered plans- it changed to Sunday. So many "planny" people would hate to travel with me. But Sunday "early" turned into Sunday late. After straightening up and sealing down the hatch at home for the house- sitter, and listening to my mom's millionth "You sure you can make it to San Francisco?" I was spent. But when the car is packed- you definitely don't want to go back and lay your head back down on your pillow, and wait til morning. I needed to go!!! So I called a friend of mine who owns a winery J&S Winery outside of San Luis, and ask if he minds me staying the night- you may have heard of it?. He doesn't only oblige- he stays awake until 1:30 am with a warm cup of tea. 

Outside of J&S Winery. Great Town.
I love how Cooper  is looking-
as if he understands the journey!

Here's the thing, I am learning and continue to learn- journeys don't happen on time. I know those of you that know me are saying "Nothing happens with her- on time!" I'm a horrible keeper of time. I've learned to accept it over the years because it is not in arrogance. It is not that I think my time is more important than others. In fact it is just the opposite. I used to beat myself up and feel horrible about my disorganization. I'd compare myself to others that always knew where the receipts were, had their tax papers neatly in a file, and showed up with a matching set of shoes- never wondering or double checking their path behind them. I'll save it for another time- but I actually did go to a wedding with shoes on the wrong foot- pointy high heels- pointing in the wrong direction. Man that killed- and took me awhile to figure it out. I guess what I'm saying is forgive yourself for your weakest points. My script is similar to this theme. My main character is much like me in the sense that she's frazzled. She forgets to take care of herself, and says " Yes" too much- so she runs behind on herself and loses the enjoyment of the moment. I refuse to lose the enjoyment of this trip however- late or not. 


My first day was amazing. I ran late- stayed with a friend who celebrated my journey. I picked up the teardrop and packed it up. When I pulled up and saw it may have hurt it's super ego. I said, "it's so tiny!" I really thought I'd made a mistake. The more I considered it, and Joe of www.vacations-in-a-can.com showed me around the thing I was excited. 

Joe- The Tear Drop Maker

 I headed out toward Reno but made it to Donner's Pass. I was driving through the pass- finally off the congested part of the I-80 and was in awe of the trees, and silence of the road. Beautiful. Amazing! This is why I am here. This was the reason for this trek. 


My character is going to come alive slowly- she's going to remember who she once was, and embrace that strength within her. I really believe that so many of us forget along the way...that belief in ourselves we once had. The little boy or girl that said " I can fly!" or brought an umbrella to the top of the rooftop thinking they were Mary Poppins. (It didn't work, by the way)- but the power of that belief is wondrous. My character in the script has no belief in herself- She thinks she needs others (mostly men) to help her. 

Sunset at Donner Pass.....
Way to end the day!

This whole area of California is beautiful- Truckee, Donner Pass- I couldn't resist. I wanted to wake up here- so I stayed at the State Park. But I'll save Tuesdays event for tomorrow. I am inspired beyond what I would have thought. I keep thinking to myself how amazing this whole thing is- that I was so scared, but I stepped into the unknown and am having a blast. This has been one of the best trips so far and it's just begun. For all of you calling me brave- to steal the Nike motto "Just Do It" or do laundry instead! 




 See you in Nevada/ Utah ......

The Beginning, and the journey....

My journey begins last July. I had gone through what I thought was a bad year (only to learn- it was going to get worse- but I won't share that here), but ignorance is bliss, and I thought I was at the end of it. I had just gotten on a plane, coming home from vacation in Costa Rica. My daughters, and mom and friend were on a different plane, and I took an alternate route. I sat down, and said these words quietly "Could ya throw me a bone, God!" These were the words that I felt. I needed a string, a thread of light, and a hope. In walks random guy, sits down across the aisle- we joke about the seven foot tall German brother and sister begging us to take the middle seats, and call ourselves selfish Americans. We chat for a good portion of the flight about parenthood, teaching, and strength of character, and life in general. I am feeling good- and thankful that good people like this man exist. Our Plane lands in LA. We get our bags from the overhead, and he says "My passion is to help schools get better, but my job is making movies!" And there it is....the statement that opens the door to my next year, or more....

Costa Rica. Mostly, we have no idea whats ahead...

Oddly enough, I am a teacher, but I am writing a screenplay. A secret hope, a wish, a dream. I don't want to be pushy, so I say nothing, and tell him good- bye, as he remarks "I think your girls are lucky to have you- for what it is worth!" This is a golden statement for me. I need this when times feel heavy, and I am thankful for just this. But, God threw me a bone and it wasn't a piece of kibble-something I may normally be satisfied with- I set the bar low sometimes to avoid disappointment. God Heard me plea, and wants me to have more, but I was clueless what to do with the opened door, and tried to walk the other way. So God- gives me another chance. I get stuck next to Movie Man once again. The terminal is under construction and we need to take a shuttle. I tell him my friend and I are working on a script. He hands me his card and says- you got six months, but I want to read it when your done. A lot of people in LA say they are "somebody" but rarely is it the "real deal". I can't tell you who this man is, but after looking at the card, and "googling" him when I got home. Hint: God- doesn't mess around, and for those of us who believe- He has contacts! Movie Man- it turns out works for one of the main (huge) studios in Hollywood, and is the VP for the Screen Department. He finds scripts that will get made. He said "Timberlake" is in his next movie.  I call my friend, and tell her, and she is less than inspired. But weeks and a month go by, and we haven't written anything- she can't get together, she's not motivated, and we are a bad fit for partners. I tell her I am going to write another story, and Im going to do this one on my own because it doesn't seem like she is interested- I do this over a text because I can't seem to get in contact with her, and she has rescheduled our writing session once again.. She doesn't answer my text, and I call daily because something inside of me knows she won't deal well with this. But then I think something else is wrong, and worry. But finally in a fit she texts me, with cruel and unfair words, and  ends our 25 year friendship- telling me that she is hurt that I would jump ship and go on my own. It hurt and I am sad, but I realize it's just another of many disappointments I have encountered. I am not to blame in my desire for more.


Here's what I have learned. Dreams aren't for "Someday", I was not "Some Day" dreaming. I was dreaming for Now- Today! I had an obligation- God gave Me a gift. I was moving forward, and making it happen- I had six months- now five. I learned a valuable lesson, and possible another gift from God. 

Toronto- Whom I love!

I scratched that old idea- it wasn't even a story knowing what I know now, and started over. My Movie Man knew this, but he must have seen something more, and gave me hope.  I begin exploring the story I really want to tell. The one that needs to be told. I still am clueless though. I book a flight to Toronto- Syd Field (script teacher guru) is holding a conference. A lot of people criticize him, but I don't care what people say- if someone is hungry, and there is food to be eaten- it suffices. What he taught me was helpful, and he showed me there is a lot more to writing a script than a great idea. So I left beautiful Toronto (I'll be back with my film at the festival-I am sure of it) and headed into an abyss of confusion, and discovery. In fact another gift is given on a plane ride home- I sit next to Syd Fields assistant- and he encourages me, and offers support. He gives me his card, and another connection in this new world is made. Doors open-walking through....

Home in LA- no idea, but a character with a message. No External Goal- but an internal Goal.  

My dear friend who works for a Studio in LA introduces me to a schmuck (she didn't know this) with good advice. I learn, listen and run with it.  Run because I am in a hurry, and because he is a schmuck! I buy Final Draft, I form a story, and have a weak title. I take his suggestion and take a class/workshop called Save The Cat. A great next step for me. By this time I have a story, and a goal, and after the workshop I have a clear vision of the parts. And a Killer TITLE!!! 


It's getting exciting. Still haven't written a word, and it's January, but it's going off in my head, on my board, and note cards. My student asks me daily- "Have you written your script yet?" I love that he is my accountability gauge. He wouldn't let up- Thanks, Jake.


 I am six months in.....didn't meet the goal, but I know this remark of Movie Man giving me six months was a motivator- he'll read my finished product- when it's good. 

Second Board- still sparse...

I buy a board- post it to my bedroom wall- I want to see it. It sits there untouched and eventually falls off the wall. God must be saying "Write, would you?" Get a new one, put it on the wall and fill it with notes! 

My story is about a woman and a journey, and I understand the woman, but I can't see the path she is on. I don't know the road, I don't see the people, I can't smell the air.....I'm uninspired. So, I go get my hair lightened- thats what us girls do. My Hair Master- or Guru, or whatever he calls himself- I call him friend- dear sweet friend. He chats with me. I tell him what i'm doing and struggling with and he says, "Go on the Journey!" I knew this was the answer, but I needed someone to tell me it was possible, and I wasn't a looney for thinking about it. The birth of my next two weeks was conceptualized as I was foiled, dried, and sprayed. We created the whole adventure.....

Big Fat and Happy Cooper

I leave this Sunday....I will journey from LA to Chicago. My dog Cooper and I will live in this adorable tear drop trailer which I rented from Vacations-in-a- can.com ( pictures below), and I will live and breathe my characters into this trek. They will meet people, have struggles, find joy, and become empowered. I cannot wait to discover this dream. Please join me here for the next two weeks, and then afterward, as I complete the whole script. This is my Script Trip- and so far it's been a ride. Jump in the passenger seat- let me take you with me. It's fun to live a dream.....

Inside our cozy trailer 

Can' Em Danno

See You Sunday...........