Day 3: Riverside!

I'm heading out of SLC-Wyo

 Did I already say, "Be careful what you wish for?" I really need to recognize more often that words and thoughts hold power. I believe this. I believe that how we live, and the thoughts that occupy space in our minds manifest themselves in our everyday lives. It's something that I have always held true. When I was a little girl, I believed it was some sort of secret magical power. If I thought something, and then it happened-it was my doing. That was tough to handle, especially when these thoughts were bad. It was like I could rule the world. Now, I just know that focusing my thinking in a positive way, gives me the opportunity to see the blessings in my life. I'm struggling right now explaining this clearly, so maybe it's better to just demonstrate a cycle of thinking that happened on my drive through the miserable Utah, then Wyoming. 

Could I have a better companion?

I guess it's Wednesday. I left the RV Park in Salt Lake City. I made a chicken salad sandwich, got Cooper tucked in the back seat, and headed out. I even put on some make-up, and showered. The trip is going great. I've met great people. Everyone so far has been super helpful, and supportive, and I'm kind of "Bad Ass" when I think about how easy this whole driving across country is. My friends back home have called me "brave" and it boggles me. I think, Brave? What's so brave about having ten open days, renting an adorable trailer, getting my dog in the car and driving to an amazing city-one that I have not yet visited. Sounds like fun, not brave. Maybe they mean "brave" for going after my dream. Two things you may need to know about me: I think way too much, and I don't think at all, and sometimes these things happen at the wrong time situationally. So, possibly what others have claimed as "brave" was just me not thinking. Today this is manifested. 

Nothing but this for miles

Wednesday is boring. I am driving through the most boring part of the country. For miles I see nothing but fields, and not pretty fields, but brown, open highway. I'm thinking about my poor characters as they drive through these parts, dysfunctional, and disconnected. My main character is on a happy journey, but she is bringing along her daughters (again this resembles my life, and some of the relational interactions resemble my daughters- but it's just because I know how to write these scenes better through experience. My daughters are not her daughters. It's important for me to clarify this because I am not writing an autobiographical. My relationship with my girls is too healthy- and I imagine would be so boring on screen) and they are not happy to be along for the ride. As I am driving I think-I am going to have to create some scenes with conflict here, or something probably will need to happen there. You know, the lay of the land- sketching out the story. 

Is this what you mean by "The Triangle?"

But then I have to pee. Yeah- it's been awhile since I have seen a rest area, and my gas is running low, and I really have to go to the bathroom. Yes, yes, I know I could go on the side of the road, but that seems dangerous. What if I get caught with my pants down? There are trucks everywhere, the side of the road is slim, and I'm just not sure. My friends and supporters have all urged me to just get it done, and I promised them I'd open my thinking to this. I pull off and "Success". I post to FaceBook, that I did the deed- they all call it the "Triangle" and the page fills with hysterical comments. I'm having a great time. I'm checking in. I'm eating great food, and Cooper is a dream companion. All this in my mind makes for really boring research for my story- but great fun for me in reality. Who wants to watch a character who has it all together? Nobody. And although, this is not an autobiographical, I was hoping for some points along the path where I could see areas that could be made for conflict. I resolve in my mind that I'll have to make them up. But "Local color" would've been nice. 

It's taking long to get to my point, I realize. Think about how long it was for me driving through Utah, then Wyoming- long, drawn out and desolate. 

It is now around 7:30 pm. The sun is setting. Let me add here- that the sunset is breathtaking. I just passed Cheyenne. I wonder: should I push through to Nebraska, or stop. I really am wanting to set up camp in the daylight-and as quickly as I decide, I look to my left and see a campground called WYO CAMP RV PARK. It's right off the highway, so it's not ideal, but I'm tired. 

I pull in, and the owner comes out, and asks if I'd like a spot. I tell him I'd like to check the bathrooms. The important things- ya know! (An example of me "not thinking"). The bathrooms are clean, and there is a grassy knoll for Cooper to play on. He gives me a spot close to the bathroom, and I pull my Tear Drop on the grass. I don't bother to look around, or notice that there are barely any other people around. Lots of RV's, but not people- well almost none. Plus- it's only $15 dollars- what a deal. I think- This camping thing is so easy, and cheap. 

I open the back of the car, and let Cooper out. As soon as I do- I hear a small voice- "Can I play with the dog, dad?" In the distance, not far from my car is a man and his son and another man- I don't see a wife or another woman- which immediately sends a trigger in my head of caution. But the kid is so cute, and Cooper is so happy to play- I ignore the trigger, and am open.  The men come and say hello, and are loving the tear drop, and the dog. I've been bored, and haven't talked to anybody for a day or so- so I engage a conversation -what was I thinking-right? My protection gauge was not on HIGH. But again, this little boy is adorable, and I immediately, take a liking to him. I have a disease for kids. I cannot be cured- I see their sweetness, and innocence, and I instantly want to "mother" them and show them kindness. Kindness, at this moment ruled over "F@ck Off!" 

See What I mean?

Because of the little boys sweet heart, I ignore all other danger signs of the evening. His father tells me a tall tale of being a country singer- which I accept because I have no knowledge of country music. I realize that any big "Country Star" would not be staying in a place like this, but I think that he is visiting his uncle- so I pass it off.  Plus, I don't like to "judge", and from what I know about famous people- they some times show up in odd places. Plus- he sings a few bars of some songs (that I don't know-but he does) and he's got a good voice. Plus, his seven year old son talks at will about his dad's band, and touring on the "tour bus" and how he loves it. The story seems reasonable at face value. As I relay it I hear it's ridiculousness, but in the moment-and only for a moment I accepted, and started sifting. Regardless, I'm not impressed- I don't listen to Country. I don't know the songs- good for him that he is a country star- it has no bearing on me. The stories, however keep expanding, and they keep getting grander. I realize that he and his son, and the "uncle" are camping in a tent. The whistle blows in my head, and I know he is a liar a pathological liar!  BUT I still don't care. I think (or don't think) "poor guy-so insecure". I don't think: "Guys a liar-run!" It's a problem- I trust people. And I also, don't care that much that he's lying because I feel bad for his boy, and am more interested in showing his son what good people are like. Save the world mentality when I should have been having "Save myself mentality!" 

At Least He couldn't Fabricate a lie about the
Wyoming sunset

It gets worse. The stories get more ridiculous, and dad gets drunker. Cooper will not leave my side- which is abnormal. I always say Cooper would sell me out for a measly piece of kibble, but apparently, I am wrong.  Finally, I am sitting in my tear drop. I have my iPad in my hands and am googling everything he is telling me. He is unaware of this. But why didn't I tell him to just go away? Fear? Apathy? Ignorance? -I'm still working through that.  His son goes to bed, and he is sitting outside spinning another tale..and I am not clear on his motivation. He tells me he's traveled the world, and tries to talk politics- another subject I couldn't care less about. I am mostly quiet. He says "California! I don't like it." I say, "I'd never leave- it's the best state in the union, in my opinion." He says well there is one city in Clifronia that is beautiful," he pauses, and then says, "Riverside!" I can't hold it in- I laugh. I choke on it.I say, "Riverside is a crappy town!" He argues and the story gets wilder: he knows Elton John, and has been to his beautiful house in Riverside, California. Even sat at his "ivory" piano. He said "The only town that is remotely beautiful in California is- wait for it.....Riverside!" I say "why you blowing smoke up my ass?" This is probably a dumb move on my part, but I can't help it. I don't want him to think he got away with lying to me. I show him the picture that he's not in that I just googled. "You're the lead singer and your pictures not even in the band?" He tries to explain, and I told him to go away, that I was tired, and that his son is amazing. He stumbles away- drunk on whiskey. Didn't I say I was going to go in a bar in cow country in have a stiff drink? Well- this is not what I had in mind. 

I lock the doors tight. I am scared! I can't find my car keys- I'm panicked. I put them down somewhere. I thought in my purse, but Ive looked 10 times. I've torn the place apart. I realize as he stumbled away that he is probably passed out in his tent- but I don't know what morning will be like, and although I am exhausted, and fall asleep for an hour- I get woken up by my inner voice/ God who tells me to "Scram!" and this voice is NOT quiet!!! It is loud, and certain, and pushy. I throw everything in the car quickly. Look in my purse as I pray "please please-keys!!!" and they are there. Cooper doesn't understand but his fat body groggy from sleep gets in and we leave- driving over the tire chocks- I break them- but I am gone, and safe, and feel soooooo stupid. "Brave," you say? I wasn't thinking, and am obviously, not "bad ass!" 

My long boring day, has turned eventful. I tell my friend that this was all a crazy idea- I should go home. He said something interesting, and I think I even wrote it in my first blog. He said, "You didn't book a trip to Hawaii for a reason. This was not ever going to be easy!" It's true. I claimed I wanted to go through some of what my characters would go through- to get a feel of the road, and women traveling across country. I got what I cam for- just wasn't sure I was ready for this fear. 

  

I continue the drive. Sun comes out...I am not sure I should continue. But I do realize, however- I have some "conflict" and some experience to write a way better scene for my characters. I also have "local color" and I even peed on the side of the road. I'm heading east.....Next stop Nebraska.