Such A Control Freak!

I've been researching writers, and how long it takes them to write and rewrite. I saw somewhere that it took Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo five years to write Bridesmaids. Norman McLean, a writer I love  didn't write his novella A River Runs Through It until he was in his mid seventies. A fact that I carry around and pull on at will.  And the writer of The Kings Speech was 73 years old when he finally saw his film come to the silver screen. It took him 30 years to write and rewrite that script. 

I have an issue with time. I have an internal anxiety about getting this done. Maybe it's because the Vice President of Production that I met on the plane from Costa Rica gave me six months- over a year ago, or maybe it is because I feel like my time clock is ticking and I want to parlay the second half of my life earning money as a writer. Whatever the reason- last night I had a breakthrough. I had an internal breakthrough that was more about my story and less about my own desires. 

I have been struggling trying to finish this first draft. It's been going along at snails pace, and then I will stop it. I will not want to even look at it for long periods of time, and then I will get frustrated, and angry that it is not coming out like I had hoped or planned. I am a horrible self critic, and my expectations are extremely high. Last night as I was resisting looking at my script I came across a website called the script lab http://thescriptlab.com which had some great information on screenwriting. Let me preface that I am NOT a screenwriter, yet. I am writing a script, and I am learning the "how to's" of it all, and I cannot stress enough how very difficult it is. When you are writing only 110 pages: every word counts, and every scene and piece of dialogue matter. This adventure I've set myself on is not the easy path- and after a year of learning the craft I have so much respect for even the lousiest of films. At least at the end of the day they have made something that is visual, and has a thread that stays on track. And my respect for those who have written funny, thoughtful, incredible films- all I can say is WOW. David Sedaris said "most people have no concept of writing." That each word is thought out, and every sentence contemplated.  When people say "You've only written three pages today" I have to laugh. They don't understand that those three pages took hours, and that within those pages there's probably only one or two good sentences.  

Last night, avoiding my script once again, and roaming around the script lab, I discovered a character questionnaire http://thescriptlab.com/screenwriting/character/creating-characters/23-character-questionnaire that helped me so much. Just when I was ready to toss this whole process and call myself a failure, and admit to myself and the world I was a fraud- I found help. It's like a bad relationship- or a new one, anyway. Until you figure out the rhythm of each other- the road is bumpy, and each party could split at any point. My script and I have not yet made a commitment. I'm committed only if it goes my way- and this is where the problem lies. I am not letting her tell her story. I am interrupting constantly, and telling her what to say and do. And because I haven't listened or helped her find her voice- I am bored. She is telling me only what I want to hear. Today I am taking a different approach. 

Often, in writing classes and workshops I hear them preach that the story has to be character driven. I know what this means on a base level, and I am an English teacher so I completely understand what it means to look at a story from the characters point of view. Huck Finn is a perfect example. He is flawed- and through his flaws we see society and the horrible racism of the south. He doesn't even know he is a racist at the beginning of his journey, but as he becomes connected to Jim and sees Jim's humanity, Huck learns about the world he lives in. Through Huck Finn we learn about ourselves- because let's face it most racists don't know that they are racists until they are confronted with it.  Mark Twain understood the idea of a story being character driven. He wrote a story about society through a young boy who was flawed and needed to open his eyes and see the world with clarity. His life, and Jim's life depended on it. I understand this clearly. When I teach this piece, I see the end product, and it is easy to dissect it back to Hucks transformation.   

To write my own story through this perspective is difficult. Even though I love my main character- I started telling a story that i thought she was leading- but really I was leading it- not her. This may not make sense to anyone else, other than the writers I am talking to, but I promised to share the journey with you all, and this is part of it. I am three quarters of the way through my script and I am finding the main character flat. She has little to talk about, and isn't fully defined. I am bored with her, and if I am bored with her- then others will be as well, and her story isn't very compelling. What I discovered is that she has been my puppet. She has been doing and saying what I want her to, and in reality it should be the other way around. I should be her slave for the next 110 pages- I need to write whatever she tells me to. I need to protect her and get her story out even if it's not what I thought she was going to say. It's crazy, but I am excited more than I have been in a long time. I can't wait to se what she is going to tell me. I know she wants to get to the Oprah show- and I kind of know why- but I want to understand it more. Why is she so driven by this...what is she hoping to find? I shouldn't rush her. The pressure I have put on her has shut her down, and silenced her intent. 


I am learning, and growing and taking on something that I didn't imagine would be so tough. My friend said "Remember why you started this whole thing" and it has stuck with me now for a couple of weeks. I didn't know the answer until last night. I started this thing because I have a character that is flawed, like so many of us. She is a single mom who wants her daughters to not repeat the mistakes she has made. Her biggest fear is that they will, and she will have to face her imperfections and failures. Instead of changing herself- she looks to Oprah to influence her children, but what her daughters need is her, but she is so insecure and feels inadequate she can't see this. It takes a journey for her to figure out what it means to be their mom and let them have their mistakes and dreams- just to love them through it all. 

It'll take me time to get there. It might take me until I am 73 years old. I hope not, but today I have decided to lift the time clock from my script. I don't want my character to reveal herself based on my own agenda. I will be at her beck and call. I am actually excited. I may even toss this first 60 pages in the trash and start over- which might kill me. I'll let you know. I'm working though something...it's good. I'll get there. Failure is an absolute must if I am going to learn.  I've gotta stop being such a control freak- try it- it's not so bad.